If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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