Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
