So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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