I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
