Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
