New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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