fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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