I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I think i got beer on your cat.
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