Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
