It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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