tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
