His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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