Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
