Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
