Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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