I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
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