I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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