Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
