my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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