Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
