girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
