you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
