two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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