Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
