3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
