He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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