Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
