Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
