how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
