maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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