Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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