Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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