wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
