I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
