She's JV to your varsity
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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