Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
