True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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