she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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