But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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