I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
