I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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