"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
