My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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