Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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