Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
