You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
