Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Randomize
