saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Randomize
