who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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