I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
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